August 29th, 2019

Hey guys, today it's been exactly one year that I started my exchange to Japan. You can't imagine how often during that time I'd been thinking that I wanted to help out future exchange students. My exchange wasn't so bad, but I had a few struggles and now thought of how I could've avoided that. So I will try to give you my impression of things I could've done better. I will list MOST IMPORTANTLY, TOP 10 and DETAILS (see headlines below). I hope you'll have a great exchange and you can always contact me. I may not be active on this website that much, but if you contact me, I will get an email and try to answer best I can.

I want you to make your exchange the best f***ing time of your life!

[These notes got a little long and are not in a perfect order, but I swear to you, when I realized them, I wish someone had told me before.]

1. Make it the best f***ing time of your life - Life is short. Your exchange is shorter. 

You probably already know that. But you HAVE to feel it. The whole ten months I've been thinking as well, like, "it's only 10 months", "half of it is over already!" and "how the hell is this my last week?". I knew it, but I didn't feel it. I didn't act up on it all the time. Especially in the beginning. As you might have guessed from some of my adventure entries I had struggle to find friends. And I thought I did a lot to try to change that. Like being all friendly of course and trying to respect the people's space, not wanting to interrupt conversations, I couldn't understand/participate in. But that was my mistake. I even told myself: I DON'T HAVE TO SEE THIS PEOPLE EVER AGAIN IF I DON'T WANT TO, SO WHY BOTHER WHAT THEY THINK OR TO BE SHY? But I still didn't do enough more on that on my next point. I feel like using my time when I was going out, though or joining most activities, my hostfamilies offered me. I tried to get a grasp of the world around me it's nature and the people.

2. Make friends no matter how - Life is boring without friends

There will always be at least one person in school and perhaps outside of it that would like to become you friend. As a foreigner people are interested in you: you look and speak different, you know different things, you don't know a lot about Japanese culture, you were brave enough to start this journey to a foreign country. Especially in your first week you will probably get a lot of attention although you might not even realize it. I can't give you any always working advice on how exactly to make friends but I will try

• greet everyone. But only if you are brave enough. For example. I didn't talk much to the boys in my class, it was like if I talked to them or vice versa people would've thought there was some romance involved. So when it was many of them I usually didn't greet, but if it was one guy, I did. Be careful to be loud enough because if you don't say it clearly it may cause confusion whether you actually said it and no one likes not getting a response. Also it will be very helpful imo if you mention their name. I was sometimes too shy, because reasons or I wasn't sure about what to call them.
• Be "annoying". Follow people around that tried talking to you or were nice to you. Those people may become your friends later on. Sometimes it doesn't feel right because you will feel like a stalker or a person no one likes. But as you stick with those people (because they usually won't be rude enough to tell you to go) they get to know you and you get to know them.
• Also be "annoying" by asking every single time you don't understand something. Ask! Again and again and again. If you forgot a name or aren't sure about pronunciation, ask! If you don't understand what someone just said, ask! If you want to know what someone is talking about, ask!
• My  first friend in Japan (we became friends in a month or so) told me the second day she saw that everyone was talking about me. I guess it wasn't everyone, but since I hadn't noticed anyone talking about me (maybe my Japanese wasn't good enough as well) I was kind of happy. And the last week and the last day in school I received many messages and smiles of people that I may not have known that well, but that told me they wish they'd talked to me more. I saw it in their faces that they wish we would have had more contact and maybe become friends. In my opinion most Japanese people are kind of shy speaking from a German perspective. I experienced some of them wanting to talk to me in English, but not being confident enough in their skills. As mentioned in one of my entries, I believe some of  the people had like too much respect for me. They thought my English was nearly perfect and theirs not and I would judge them in a way maybe. I had a feeling many thought I had a lot of good friends and was quite popular. But that wasn't really the case.
• Try to find someone to walk to school with or back to the station after school. If it happens regularly, you may become close friends. The more time you spend with them the more you will get to know each other.
• It might be a good idea to try different groups of friends (after you've established a basic one). They have their groups established and you might have to pick one, but if you are not sure there the most suitable option for you, you might try another group. Just try to stay polite. When you feel like you are stuck with people you don't like that much, try talking to other people as well. Usually they won't be angry because they will understand. But sometimes switching group might not work that well and you will want to go back to the old option. Just never give up trying to find new friends when you don't feel like your current friends are that close to you. It's hard to explain. Do what feels right. Don't force yourself into a situation you don't like.
• Don't be boring, Be yourself! Actually you can't be boring since your from a different continent, but what I'm trying to say is: don't be quiet, don't be shy, don't hold back. Be confident, be strong, be honest. The more you show of your true self the better the friendships will be. 
• About friends that are not in your class (at the bottom)

First day/week tips

• Note down names (and details of that person) so you won't forget them (not only first week but whenever you meet people)
• Take pictures with your class on your first day
• Ask someone to walk with you from the station to your school or back to the station with you or ask who goes to the same destination as you. Try to find someone who looks open and perhaps willing. If you are lucky you might find someone who will walk with you everyday! (as I did fortunately, but only in one direction)
• Ask every single time you don't understand something. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Don't think you will be annoying. The more you ask the sooner you won't have to ask anymore. (not only first week)
• Smile
• Find out how other students wear their uniforms (they might not do it correctly! But you might get hints on how to fit in)
• Tell them they can speak English with you to practice (only if you want them to do that; you might end up at eventually only speaking English back and not improve your Japanese)
• Tell them you would like them to correct you, teach you about the culture, help you improve your Japanese, ask you anything and that you are sorry that you will be a bother to them (you don't have to but looking back I would do that now)
• Download: LINE (like WhatsApp), Jsho (offline Japanes dictionary, with info on pronunciation, spelling, Kanji reading, Kanji drawing), Ankidroid (vocabulary app, you can connect with Jsho: Look up an expression in Jsho, tip on it for 2 seconds and you can transfer the word you just looked up to your vocab stash so you can repeat/study it later!!!) and instagram (they use it a lot) 
• Try to observe people and find out, whom you would get along best with. There are different established groups so you might have to "choose" one first, since some groups might not get along that well with each other. It's hard to find out what people you could become closest with but it's okay. You will eventually make more friends but having ONE GOOD friend first is the start.

Other/General tips:

• Make it the best f***ing time of your life! You might think you can't decide on that but you can. Just realize your time is limited and you are there to make the f***ing best of it. You want to make unforgettable memories with awesome friends you can do something for that. No matter how late it might me. My exchange might not have been the perfect time for me, but now I feel like it would've been so easy. That's what these tips are for.
• Be confident, active and outgoing! Don't be quiet or shy!
• Don't think about what others might think of you!
• Be yourself! Don't become someone else. You want to make friends who like the real you, not some other version.
• Be careful about saying what you would like to do. If you mention that you hypothetically would find it nice if you could go somewhere they might think they have to fulfill that wish no matter what and would be rude if they don't. Don't pressure them (especially hostfamily)
• Your time is limited use it as best as you can, do as much as you can especially thing you wouldn't do normally! Overcome your fears!
• Join clubs (to make friends, have fun and improve your Japanese)
• Make friends no matter how
• Note down frequent words you didn't understand in class to look them up later
• Greet people with a clear voice and using their name
• Invite people to show you things or take you places ("I have never tried Sushi before..."
• Read books. Start with easy things like children's  books (school or public library), mangas or whatever you are interested in. You will improve, I swear. Look up words (using Jsho) that appear more than once or seem important. Put them into your vocabulary stash (Ankidroid)
• Ask the hostfamily whenever you see them doing something, if you can help. They first might treat you as a guest, but most of them want you to help and expect you to act without them telling you that you should. Even if they say they don't need help the first 2 times, ask again or if you are certain, just say you WILL do it. ("Can I help you with the dishes?" ----> "I will do the dishes")
• Ask the hostfamily how to do e.g. laundry, they might say they will do it, but just asking them to show you means you would be open to do it.
• Ask how you pronounce/spell Kanji that appear very frequently. You can look the word up with Jsho.
• Take walks in your hostfamily's town. It was one of the nicest experience for me when on a Saturday I just took a walk around the town for a few hours alone (my hostfamily suggested it to me and therefore allowed, I also had a key, be careful!). I just took a turn everytime I saw an interesting building at the end of a street. Don't get lost though!
• Don't stay alone in your room for too long. Even if you're studying your hostfamily might find it sad if you're always alone and not joining them. They invited you and want you to be in their house. Try studying in the living room, in your room with the door open or inform them that you will be studying for an hour (not too long!)
• Go out with friends as much as you can (if you don't have any pressure to perform well and get good grades)! It will be more helpful to actually use the language than to just study it alone! But also respect your hostfamily's plans (they want to spend time with you, too)
• Whenever you don't have any plans, study Japanese (especially in the beginning; study a fun but efficient way, it might be textbooks, it might be watching anime) or go out and explore the city. You will usually also have a commuter's ticket (train ticket card) that will allow you to go to any station between your home station and school for free (you pay a student fee in the beginning), so you can go to those stations and just walk around or visit a park (but be careful and ask/inform your hostfamily). 
• Write a journal/diary. You can try writing it in Japanese. But it's mostly for your memories. Don't write too much though, because it will be hard to keep that habit up. It might be your instagram posts with text under them. Or a blog, like this one.

• Note down names. Note down the names of the people that introduce yourself to you. Looking back, I think it would've been really helpful if I had just taken pictures with people on my first day and put their names under the pictures. You don't know anyone and there are a lot of people so of course you won't remember all of them. No one will be angry, but try to avoid asking their names too many times by NOTING THEM DOWN and like adding details about their appearance so you won't forget it.
• Be confident, be active, be outgoing. I think I could've done a lot better if I - as I had actually told myself - really been confident. You need to talk to people. People you don't know or who seem to not be so interested because the more people you talk to the likelier it will be that you actually find people you can become friends with. It's so difficult to assess what people you will be good friends with. They have already formed their groups and you need to find your group although you might want to be friends with many or even all of them. But I think, focusing on getting ONE good friend (or group) is the most important. If you have ONE good friend in your class, that will get you the chance to go further from that. I mean like, you will have one person to talk to and feel comfortable with. You will improve the language and become more confident. And people willnotice if you're having fun and try to also become your friend.
• Don't think about what they're going to think. You won't have to see them ever again if you don't want to. Don't think you will be a weirdo or people won't like you. Because there always will be someone you can share your thoughts with. You just have to find and keep that person and if possible expand from there.
• Invite them/ask them to take you to places. You can mention that you've never been to a Japanese McDonald's or that you would like to do karaoke or something like that. It will be an opportunity to get to know people better. But be careful with this. When you say that you would hypothetically like to do something, some Japanese will feel like they have to do it no matter what because if they don't fulfill your wish they'd be impolite. So maybe you can say something like "I've never been to Yokohama" to your friends and they might ask you if you'd like to go. But if you say for example "I've never seen Mt. Fuji" to your hostfamily, they might actually take you there even if it is a real struggle for them. Just be careful expressing what you would like to do because if it's expensive or difficult and you still express that wish/thought people might think you are rude because you expect them to do that for you. You have to try to read between the lines whether Japanese people really want to do something for you or are just being polite. But in the end I think it's okay to tell classmates that you've never tried a kind of Japanese food especially when they ask you. Then you can turn it around so that they might ask you if you'd like to go out and try it together.
• BE YOURSELF! You want to make friends who like the real you not some other version. And if you don't show them, they won't know. If you give information about you people will be able to get to know you and decide to be friends because of that. If you're faking something you will have fake friends. Another girl that did the same exchange program as me did really well by being herself. She's kind of a crazy person. And she acted like it and has found the most fulfilling friendships with other crazy people. I can't lie but I am jealous of that. Of course, I gladly found my own friends, but still. Don't become a Japanese version of yourself. At least for me that didn't work that well. I became really boring (one girl even texted me so (we still became friends afterwards)). I tried to be nice and friendly and didn't disturb people's conversations and was quiet instead. In Germany I used to be sarcastic, kind of rude (to my friends and family), direct and amused. Always a person to talk much. Sarcasm doesn't always work that well with Japanese people. You may not have noticed it but most of it (at least in my case) is insulting other people, e.g. "are you blind or are you dumb?". So if you still wanna use it, try to make it not insulting to anyone and make it obvious or explain that it was a joke after it.
• Join clubs. Try any clubs that sound interesting or people invite you to. As an exchanged student you kind of have the privilege to not be seen as rude when you try a club once and decide it's not for you. Other students feel like they have to be very loyal to a club so they won't leave or won't join in the first place. There are some clubs that will welcome international students by default (English club, international club) and other that won't but don't hesitate to try anything you're interested in. Just keep in mind that sports clubs usually are very busy (most sports clubs at my school practiced 6 days a week!) and often kind of serious with competitions (no one will force you to participate in a competition, though) and music clubs might have their bands already set up and also take practice very seriously. Keep that in mind but don't be afraid. You can always try and see for yourself if you might fit in. Also, think about when you want to join a club or maybe change it and try another one. Some clubs might be more difficult to join when your Japanese is not that great yet. I found it relatively easy in choir. Of course you have expression you only use in music that I had never heard of before, but I know how to sing and that was the main thing. The teacher and students were also very helpful and tried to explain when necessary. I felt the most comfortable in school when I was in my club. There are usually less people than in your class and it's easier to start a conversation and get to know people. You have more conversation topics regarding your club activity (what music do you listen to? when did you start to play soccer?). It might me difficult at first since club members usually are good friends as well, but from observation I think sports club friends are the closest. There is no other reason that the time and interest they share together. Furthermore I consider it very helpful if you have a classmate in that club and maybe even become close friends with them. Unfortunately, no one in my class was in the same club (except for two boys from English club) as me. So I couldn't get close to a classmate as well.